To all the ladies, both single and in relationships: How to love correctly, and how to live happily?

Sharing from Ms. Cao Thi Hoa - Vice President of the School Board

On Vietnamese Women's Day, October 20th, you might receive bouquets of flowers, gifts, or even declarations of love. And today, Ms. Hoa also wants to send you a gift. Not flowers or ordinary wishes, but the heartfelt thoughts of a woman who has lived more than half her life.

Dear children!

Your twenties are the age of beautiful emotions, dreams, and first life choices. Today, I want to share a few thoughts with you about love. Not to make you afraid of love, but so that when you do love, you won't have to compromise yourself.

First of all, she hopes you will always remember this question when you are in love or preparing to accept someone's proposal: "By being with this person, am I growing or becoming smaller?"

A good relationship can make young people more confident, happy, diligent, and mature. An unsuitable relationship, on the other hand, can cause anxiety, secrecy, estrangement from friends and family, neglect of studies, and constant need to guess the other person's intentions.

Therefore, before falling in love, learn how to judge people.

When trying to win someone over, people often show their best qualities. Flowers, gifts, and sweet words demonstrate care, but they don't fully reveal a person's character.

To understand a person, observe how they behave when things don't go their way, when they're angry, when they're rejected, or when they say "no."

Observe how they treat their parents, teachers, friends, and even those who offer them no benefit. Pay attention to the small things: do they keep their promises, are they punctual, do they spend money responsibly, do they admit their mistakes and correct them?

A person's true character is rarely hidden in small things. It's just that when we're in love, we often only want to see what we like.

Don't just listen to what people say, look at what they do too.

Someone who only texts when they're free, arranges meetings when it's convenient, frequently breaks promises and apologizes, might genuinely be busy. But if this indifference persists, you need to understand that you're not receiving the attention you deserve.

When someone says they're not ready for a serious relationship, believe them. Don't expect to be the exception.

Being proactive in love isn't wrong, but a relationship that only one person nurtures often ends up being a hopeless wait.

She especially wanted to remind the students: don't rush into taking on the responsibility of saving other people's lives.

Everyone has a past, everyone has wounds. You can empathize, but don't think that loving someone enough will make a selfish person generous, an addict repent, or an irresponsible person become responsible.

People can change, but first they must want to change. And there are some things that are very difficult to change.

Love isn't a gamble where the reward is the hope that one day the other person will change.

In particular, be wary of extreme, controlling, and threatening displays of jealousy. Checking phones, forbidding friends from seeing you, insulting you then apologizing, and threatening to force you to comply are not examples of "love." Don't mistake controlling behavior for masculinity, or extreme jealousy for deep love. A person who truly loves you won't force you to sacrifice your self-respect, freedom, and relationships to prove their love. When you encounter these signs, know how to protect yourself before the hurt becomes too great.

But my dear children, knowing how to judge people is only half the lesson. To understand others, you must first learn to understand yourself.

Learn to value three things: your time, your emotions, and your body.

Don't give everything away just because you care a little. Don't accept being disrespected time and time again just because you're afraid of losing someone.

A sincere person will respect you even if you're not ready. But someone who pressures you, gets angry, or acts coldly just because you've been rejected gives you a reason to reconsider.

Don't let politeness, pity, or fear of offending others cause you to lose your right to make your own decisions.

She also wanted them to think about something even more important .

We often hope to meet a kind, capable, responsible man who knows how to love and appreciate women. That's perfectly understandable.

But have you ever asked yourselves: what kind of woman have you become so that a man of value would want to love you and commit to you for the long term?

Strive to improve yourself not only to be chosen, but also to have the power to choose, the ability to build happiness, and the courage to leave when necessary.

An intelligent woman with a career, who earns her own money, has friends, and finds her own happiness, won't have to stay with someone just because she has no other choice. That's a kind of freedom that no gift can buy.

But a woman's value is not solely determined by her qualifications or money.

Learn subjects not included in university curricula: understanding people, managing emotions, polite behavior, engaging in graceful conversation, knowing how to listen, saying thank you, and apologizing. Cultivate neatness, discipline, courtesy, kindness, and the ability to care for others. Maintain gentleness, understanding, and tolerance. Because these are the qualities that help maintain good relationships.

But gentleness is not weakness, and tolerance is not resignation.

Don't just expect to be understood; learn to understand the pressures, hurts, and desires of the person beside you. And don't search for a perfect person. An awkward, quiet, and not-so-romantic partner can still be a good life partner if they are sincere, responsible, and willing to correct their mistakes.

Distinguish between understandable flaws and unacceptable personality traits.

When children possess knowledge, character, self-respect, and clear principles, they will have more opportunities to meet people who appreciate those values. Those who are superficial will also find it difficult to cross the boundaries they set. And remember, to receive lasting love, one must learn to love in return. To have a warm family, one must contribute to creating that warmth.

There's one more thing she especially wants you to remember: Don't let loneliness choose your lover instead of you.

There are girls who know perfectly well that the person isn't good, yet they still don't leave. Not necessarily because they love too much, but because they're afraid of being left without someone to care about them.

Loneliness can make us weak-willed, causing us to miss people who aren't worth missing, and to return to places we shouldn't go to.

Therefore, learn to live happily on your own. Have a job you love, books you read, friends, trips, hobbies, and your own joys.

Don't shrink your whole world to just one guy.

Loneliness also has its value. It's an opportunity to understand yourself, grow, learn self-care, and realize your own worth.

It's better to be alone and at peace than to have someone by your side and have to endure suffering every day.

A girl who knows how to be happy on her own won't need to cling to anyone just to escape loneliness.

Let love make life more beautiful, don't turn it into a refuge for loneliness.

And after learning to judge people and understand themselves, they also need to learn to look further ahead: to marriage.

Because love is a matter of two hearts, but marriage is a matter of a lifetime.

When in love, people often ask each other if they miss each other, if they're happy. But when they get married, the questions are different.

Who will take care of the finances, who will raise the children, and how will both sets of parents look after them? How will they handle situations of illness, unemployment, or disagreements?

Think about these things early on, ask that person, and ask yourself.

Learn from couples who have loved each other for decades, and learn from lives filled with tears. What did they do to maintain their happiness? What warning signs did they ignore? What unwarranted things did they tolerate?

Don't just learn how to choose a good husband. Learn how to be a good life partner as well.

Marriage requires love, but it also needs responsibility, understanding, tolerance, and the ability to overcome difficulties together. A happy home doesn't just appear out of nowhere. It's built on how two people talk, compromise when they disagree, care for each other when they're tired, and share the burdens of everyday life. Don't rush into marriage just because of age, because your friends are married, or because you're afraid of what others will say. A good marriage makes life more beautiful. An unsuitable marriage can rob you of your health, joy, and many years of youth.

Dear children!

You might make the wrong choice, you might shed tears for the first time in your life. That's not scary. What's scary is staying too long in a wrong choice, or closing your heart to love because of one setback. When you're unsure, go back to the original question: "By being with this person, am I growing or becoming smaller?"

Don't just focus on one happy day or one sad moment. Look at the whole journey: Have you been respected, been able to be yourself, grown, and become happier? The answer is often already within you. You just need to be calm and courageous enough to listen.

On the occasion of October 20th, I wish you all good health, confidence, knowledge, a successful career, personal joys, and the strength to take control of your lives. I wish you the wisdom to choose the right person, the gentleness to love, the tolerance to build happiness, and the strength to leave behind what is unworthy. May you find someone you love and be loved sincerely. And if not, just live happily, beautifully, and contentedly.

Because the most beautiful love is when two people who know how to live good lives meet and work together to make each other's lives better. Remember: Happiness doesn't begin the day someone comes to love you, but the day you learn to appreciate and take control of your own life.

Ms. Cao Hoa

October 20, 2026